Why have I not made myself more present to you since many months ago? I have no reasonable explanation, though of course be aware that your Founding Fathers were kept quite busy a year ago ensuring that the election for President went smoothly. We were forced to keep notice of unethical tactics offered primarily by one side of the political spectrum, but overall we were pleased that the electorate supported the process and brought a fine man to the office.
Otherwise, I must report that I have been doing much contemplation of my otherworldly situation. You may not believe it so, but we deceased patriots are constantly being summoned up by amateur parapsychologists and ghosthunters seeking our counsel. We endure a steady stream of inquiries and contacts, and though we are mostly happy to oblige, we have all agreed that it is sometimes a tiresome task to comply with requests to rap on tables or show oneself. But at least we are not forgotten!
I, being the curious fellow that I am, once again solicit questions from the lovelorn and otherwise. I shall attempt to impart my wisdom, gathered over my lifetime and the centuries since my passing, to any problems that may be vexing you at present.
Please welcome me back! I have missed you, my loyal children of liberty.
Oh joy, joy and rapturous outpourings!!! Welcome back, oh ye of such literary inspiration, and–forgive the liberty–man of many a scandalous scribbling (and, dare I say, mildly erotic musing)…
Your re-emergence is an early winter-solstice blessing, dear sir of sentiment and science. Please know, your fans of the gentler sex maintain themselves in a state of eager anticipation until we might imbibe of your forthcoming poetic libations.
In the interim, we must abide in a state of transient, unfulfilled Yearning. I entreat you to not punish your adoring followers with such a long absence this time; though, it is perfectly understandable when honoring such worthy endeavors as safeguarding the presidency of your noble country.
So again, I say (at the risk of repetition), Welcome Back! Your romantic gentility, your tender expressions and your philosophic insights were all much missed.
Thus, I leave off with only my Warmest Regards and Affections, dear sir…
Yours truly,
A lady
My Dear Miss!
I blush — yes, I will admit it — at your effusive words! Know that they are much appreciated by this passionate lover of liberty!
Yours,
T. Jefferson